Smokey: This morning I was sent an email entitled “A Tale of 2 QBs” simply showing how eerily similar the stats are for Jake Delhomme and Matt Stafford this season. And it’s true, they are remarkably close in several categories. I jokingly responded by predicting the Panthers would get him in three years, a la [...]
NFL Week 8 Status Report: Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Peppered
Smokey: I was gonna start out this status report by pointing out how glaringly wrong Bill Simmons was in his prediction of this past Sunday’s Cardinals/Panthers game. Lucky for ol’ Bill, I spent the weekend enraptured in the spacious lap of luxury one can find in the paradisiacal region known as NoPho, and thus, can’t [...]
Pink Slippage: The Slope Is Slippery
All things considered, I tend to live in the future past. That is to say that when something happens, I tend to think in very David-Sedarisian terms of, “Wow, this is gonna make a great analogy for something else that will happen in the indefinable future.” And so it came to pass that I found [...]
NFL Week Six Status Meeting: Tremble Before Me!
Smokey: Week six was a week of statements, be they declarations of domination, or yips of putridity. After completing three-eighths of the season (math!) we’re able to accurately the gauge where the season’s at, and we have a better idea of where the season’s going. For some, this is an encouraging time of the year; [...]
The Fax of Life: Fantasy Football
Week 4 was the bye week for the Carolina Panthers. Aside from a tangential investment in the Bills, I was staring down the barrel of an autumn weekend wherein I had no rooting interest in pro football. My mind wrestled with this idea while my liver wrestled with the lack of booze being delivered before [...]
The Fax of Life: Poopin’
My ten-year high school reunion will occur sometime next year, bringing with it various significances. Naturally, the first and foremost is that it will mark a decade of my life without a dishwasher. Since graduating high school I have washed damn near every dish I’ve ever eaten off of. The amount of dishwashing I do [...]
NFL Week 2 Status Meeting: A Master Course in Schadenfreude
Smokey Week two of the National Football League’s regular 2009-2010 season wraps up tonight with the Miami Dolphins’ home opener against Pey Pey and the Colts. Regardless of what ESPN would have you believe with their constant barrage of advertising, I don’t much care about tonight’s game. My Monday morning status report shows I’m about [...]
NFL Week 1 Status Meeting: Shell Shock
Smokey: There’s this priceless moment in David Mamet’s film “State and Main” where the big Hollywood star played by Alec Baldwin crashes a car with a 15-year-old fan, and when he gets out of the mangled wreck his response is a drunkenly gleeful, “So…that happened.” The numbness of his understatement is a feeling I know [...]
NFL Oh-Nine Previews: NFC South
Back when Mickey and I were doing our own thang at the Sports Brethren, we would double-team a weekly post about every Carolina Panthers game. We might not see eye-to-eye on everything, but we always brung the heat and the passion in our weekly chronicles of the NFL’s greatest team. Here at the Cube, we’re [...]
NFL Oh-Nine Previews: AFC South
Back when Mickey and I were doing our own thang at the Sports Brethren, we would double-team a weekly post about every Carolina Panthers game. We might not see eye-to-eye on everything, but we always brung the heat and the passion in our weekly chronicles of the NFL’s greatest team. Here at the Cube, we’re [...]
