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Whatchu Starin’ At, Abyss?

longass journeyMid- to late-February

Hey gang, it’s Friday of that week in between the football playoffs and the Super Bowl, and you know what that means: There’s very little in the sporting world to care about!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The NBA announced their All Star team reserves this week, which is really only significant because Josh Smith was snubbed and Gerald Wallace became the first Bobcat to ever appear in the ASG. Other than that, really old people are reminding us that pitchers and catchers return in 97 days, and the NCAA is playing hot potato with the #1 ranking.

As such, this is the perfect time to reflect on the little things in life. Having personally felt the pang of the recession, this is an area I feel I’m somewhat well-versed in. So, without further ado, here’s a guide to filling the gaping maw that is Late Winter, cuz after the Super Bowl there’s very little to care about for long stretches of time.

- First off, let’s go with the obvious: food. If you’re reading this, odds are your an American male, aged 18-34, and that you enjoy eating food. You can put away platters, but when it comes to cooking you may still be in the D-league. Let me dispel a rumor: in the past year, I’ve started cooking. There’s a certain sense of pride that comes from feeding one’s self. Pick yourself up a cookbook that looks like it’s for children, and you’ll be amazed at what you can create. As an added bonus, grocery shopping can be an adventurous, terrifying experience that I recommend for everyone.

- To combat all those extra pounds you’re likely to put on once you start cooking for yourself, it’s best to get some exercise. Since I don’t have money lying around for a gym membership or equipment, I like to just imagine I’m in a post-apocalyptic world and use my surroundings to get fit. Walks are invigorating in just about every setting, but knocking out a quick set of pull-ups on telephone poles will ensure the least amount of people messing with you. Unless you’re Ralph Macchio.

- Whew, I’m winded just writing about all this awesome stuff. After cooking and exercise, you’ve earned yourself a small respite from the world. You know what does the trick for me? BOOKS! I know, crazy right? In a world of iPads and Kindles and eZines there are nearly limitless ways to consume information, up to and including good old-fashioned bound volumes. Once those dogs start barkin’ in your shoes, just plop yourself down in a comfy place and give your brain a snack. You’ll thank me in the morning.

So there you have it: an insider’s scoop on how to make the most out of the sporting doldrums ahead. These hints and tips may be a little revolutionary, and they may upset people, but hey, I’m no Paul Shirley.


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