Pink Slippage: The Slope Is Slippery

All things considered, I tend to live in the future past. That is to say that when something happens, I tend to think in very David-Sedarisian terms of, “Wow, this is gonna make a great analogy for something else that will happen in the indefinable future.” And so it came to pass that I found myself think about the film “Batman & Robin” after semi-witnessing the Charlotte Bobcats loss to the Boston Celtics on the opening night of their season.

Our family would swap kids with my mom’s family during the summer. When cousins would travel south to spend a week at what was ostensibly known as Camp Cloud, it meant good times were ahead. We’d excitedly show off our hometown, wasting away afternoons on aimless bike trips and at the local pool. In the summer of 1997, our cousin Dr. Burkleton was staying with us and he and I decided check out the latest installment of the Batman series. I’d enjoyed “Batman Forever” immensely, mostly because I thought Jim Carrey was the funniest human ever at the time, and had high hopes for George Clooney’s incarnation of the caped crusader.

The lights went down, the film rolled, and two hours later I was a changed man. Within fifteen minutes I knew I was witnessing something I’d never seen before, and at the ripe of 15 I was a film nut. I was especially into slow, plodding independent films at the time, so I’d seen my fair share of terrible movies. Alas, I’d never seen anything quite like “Batman and Robin”; it was a bloated behemoth peppered with the worst dialogue my ears had ever heard. This was a debacle on a level I did not know existed. It further turned me off studio films while simultaneously turning me into a more unbearable teenage film brat. The slope was slippery and I got snooty. Within months, of course, a major studio would release the film that ended up having a much more positive influence on me–”LA Confidential”– and all was right with the world.

The NBA League Pass is free this week, and Mickey and I were quite excited to be able to see the Bobcats season opener. This is a privilege reserved for Bobcats fans even more fanatical than we are. Mickey witnessed the game, while I followed the GameCast. I received constant updates to the new heights of suckitude. Right before I left the office, I commented to my officemate that the Bobcats had scored 31 points in the first half, meaning we were on our way to a Big Ten-esque 62. I wish we’d scored that much. Instead, we matched the Patriots points against the Titans.

On the bright side, there’s only 81 games left! I’m not quite sure what’s happening with this franchise. From all reports, the team is a discombobulated, incoherent, flowless mess with multiple problems in multiple parts of the game. But I love the Bobcats with the wanton heart of a spurned Hornets fan. Charlotte’s got no ACC team, so we identify with our pro teams. The future of this franchise is as unknowable as…the future. I think I just blew Adam Morrison’s mind.