NFL Week 5 Status Meeting: Party in the USA

Mickey: When the Panthers schedule came out in the spring, I reviewed it and immediately emailed Joseph to ask, “Charlotte road trip October 11th?” That’s right, we signed up for the first official Cubicle GM field trip.

Besides the inevitable epic battle betwixt the Panthers and Redskins that would pit the two of us against each other in Section 539, the trip to Charlotte would also allow us to visit one of the more ridiculous people we know, one Gilbert Garza III (aka Trey aka The Child aka KC Diaz aka Dills). We added a fourth hooligan to our crew, the infamous Andy “Ace” Chevalier, another Skins fan and Herndon, VA native, as the four of us competed on a weekend-long stage to see who could be the biggest handful. We knew it was going to be an awesome time, a reunion of part of the crew from Joey’s Bachelor Party weekend, with the goal of taking the Queen City by storm.

We ended up with a most awesome Party in the USA.

Mickey (cont’d): With iPod playlists chock full of hits like Ms. Cyrus’s awesome anthem fueling us throughout the weekend, Joseph, the Dills, Ace, and I did our best to make Charlotte feel our presence. The Cap’n Pappy and Momma fed/put up with us for dinners on Friday and Saturday, and in between we drank, partied, and watched as much football as possible.

Ace, Dills, and J Price. Dear Lord.

This left us with cloudy heads, uneasy stomachs, and a great anticipation for football come Sunday morning. Ace and Joey donned their Skins jerseys, I put on my Peppers jersey, and Garza dressed like he was still at UVA for the game. We went to the Dills’ rooftop with some fellow tailgaters and put “Party in the USA” on repeat as we crushed Busch Lights and Coors Light. We were ready for some live NFL football.

We walked the five blocks to Bank of America Stadium, and found our seats just as DeAngelo Williams was gifting seven points to the Redskins in the game’s first two minutes. Joey and Ace could sense my uneasiness, and Trey just wanted to remind me that the Panthers suck repeatedly. At some point in the second quarter, trying to keep the stadium’s Miller Lites down, my body broke down. A small vom and multiple trips to the bathroom later, it was halftime, and I still wasn’t feeling any better, as the Panthers and my body were betraying me. Ace, Trey, and Joey had no such qualms: they were downing beers, taunting me and my fellow Section 539 redneck fans like there was no tomorrow when the game reached 17-2 in the second half, off none other than a Jake Delhomme interception.

What they failed to remember is that their team is just as prone to being terrible as the Panthers are. So a great kick-off return later, some big plays from Steve Smith, and a continued dominant day from the defense, and we were back in the game at 17-12.

Then came one of the strangest ways to take a lead that I’ve ever experienced: off the muffed punt where our guy clearly shoved one Skin into another as a fair catch was trying to be made. No one in our section knew that was actually legal — I for sure didn’t. It led to mystified Joey and Ace loudly stating their displeasure with the referees, which led to some taunting from the rednecks in Section 539, which lead to Joey and Ace telling grown men to do some things Mama Mancini and Chevalier probably would not want to hear. All-in-all, Joey and Ace got to feel big and badass, and I got the lead I wanted, so I feel like we all came out on top.

A few drives later, Jake was faking DeAngelo Hall out of his space booties, and Garza was loudly lamenting the fact that the Panthers couldn’t cover the spread. My crew was about 9 beers deep a piece, and my team had won our first game since December 2008, so I’d like to think we were all winners.

Our emails today showed just how awesomely our weekend laid waste to us: I locked myself out of my apartment this morning and extreme dehydration led the Dills to think he had the gout. No word yet from Ace, although he was roadtripping back to NoVa, so I’m sure that was even worse than anything the rest of us could have experienced. One might be led to believe that we regretted our decisions from the past 72 hours; on quite the contrary, we all agreed the weekend was quite the success.

Just how Miley intended.

Smokey: The only thing I can add is that I switched back to my Peppers jersey, and we finally won. I drank, I ate, they won. All is right in the world, for six more days. Happy football season, everybody.

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