NFL Week 1 Status Meeting: Shell Shock

Smokey: There’s this priceless moment in David Mamet’s film “State and Main” where the big Hollywood star played by Alec Baldwin crashes a car with a 15-year-old fan, and when he gets out of the mangled wreck his response is a drunkenly gleeful, “So…that happened.” The numbness of his understatement is a feeling I know all too well after witnessing the Panthers-Eagles game this past Sunday.

The onset of de ja vu was almost immediate: the Panthers started strong driving the ball downfield and sticking it in the end zone, albeit after 7 attempts. The flopsweat and worry gurgled in the pit of my stomach, even as I ran a lap through the bar, waving my eight-foot banner. It felt good to score and have a lead, but in the back of my mind, I couldn’t erase the maelstrom of emotion I felt last January. I felt, in the deepest sense of the word, dread.

The next half hour proved the pit of my stomach to be a good prognosticator. Delhomme buckled like so many belts, the defense was powerless against the varied and efficient Philly onslaught and the running game was stymied. It was January 10th, all over again. Towards the end of the half, or it might’ve been the third quarter– things got kinda blurry– the Panthers found themselves in the Red Zone and suddenly I heard my name called and turned to see 3 Eagles fans, bleary-eyed and grinning like fools. They inquired as to whether or not I’d planned on running my banner around for another lap if Carolina scored. Since the score was already a devastating 24-7 I informed them that I was not intending to take my lap. They smiled and nodded, telling me that was for the best, because the contingent of drunk Iggles fans would’ve pummeled me had I attempted to make my journey. Once Philly fans threaten bodily harm, you know the season’s started.

As the game neared it’s interminable, inevitable close the massive horde of Eagles faithful strode to my table at the bar and all sang out in one voice, “FLY EA-GLES FLYYYYYYY…” I shook their hands and put on a brave face, admitting that the better team had won and that I liked Philly’s chances to make the Super Bowl this year. They patted me on the back, showing that the ribbing was good-natured. As we exited the bar and waited for the valet to bring our car around we heard a commotion behind us. The two drunkest Eagles fans, the two that had not shown me any remorse and had spewed filth from their flapping gums, had gotten into an argument and were shouting at and shoving one another. The poor bouncer didn’t know quite what to do; he was forced to separate two fans of the same team to stop a fight from breaking out. That image will remain indelible of Week 1: that the Panthers couldn’t even handle a team whose fans are so demonstrably stupid, that in the absence of anyone to fight from their opponent’s team, they’d rather just fight one another.

Mickey: Well Football Christmas was not kind to us, that’s for sure. As the Panthers season got urgently panicky around the middle of the second quarter, I felt it was a good idea to do some old-fashioned heavy drankin’. I had not gone out Friday or Saturday night for various good, life reasons, and so the no-parents-for-miles, college side of me took over: shots were agreed to, drunk dials were made, and credit cards were forgotten at the bar.

But I’ve been told other “important” things happened in the NFL this weekend too. My memory’s all sorts of hazy and cob-webby, but here’s what I got:

- Patrick Willis be linebackin’. The afternoon games did not provide high entertainment (looking at you, Redskins), but they did provide a platform for the San Francisco linebacker to show off his chops. He looked tenacious out there and was a big part of the win over the defending NFC champs; I highly enjoyed watching him play football.

- Joey’s an idiot. In the Week 1 Power Rankings, he has the Saints at #1 and the Panthers at #32. Yes, Week 1 was stomach-turning awful, but that’s just absurd.

- I really wanted the Pats to lose; that was an obnoxious win.

Really, it’s almost Week 2, so I’ve forgotten most everything else. We’ll get this recap up faster next week; we’re still trying to figure out how to check voicemail around here in the Cube.

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