To round out our tip-to-buzzer college basketball discussion this year (give us a break, NCAA Tournament Media Relations Department, we started in March), I can’t help but put a few words up about this year’s “coaching carousel”. We started by bringing to you very quickly, if not first, the news of Virginia’s new hire, Tony Bennett.
By the way, isn’t it amazing how much college sports coverage has changed in the last 15-20 years? The major media now devotes at least half its time to hirings, firings and recruiting, with less and less on actually who these players are, maybe partially driven by the fact that college now seems not the means but instead an purgatorial environment on the way to the NBA end.
That said, a few notes on one of basketball’s great human train wrecks, now coaching at FIU in a move that Jermaine O’Neal violently approves of and its implications for basketball in the greater state of Florida.
This discussion is sponsored by Air Fresh Gym Shoes:
For some reason whenever I think of Isiah, I can’t help but remember him getting swatted by a flat-topped Will Smith over 20 times in a single 50-second period; it’s now my great hope that he will wear those shorts on the FIU bench. Florida International University, by the way, is “Miami’s Public Research University” and counts as its alumni the likes of Mike Lowell, Raja Bell, Andy Garcia and just about every city or county mayor in the Miami area.
Now in Florida, we have the hilarious basketball coaching lineup of Isiah, plus Leonard Hamilton at FSU, Billy Donovan at Florida, Mike Jarvis at Florida Atlantic, and Erik Spoelstra and Pat Riley of the Miami Heat. Awesome. Just awesome.
This motley crew is depicted below:
That was the only picture that would fit for Erik Spoelstra.
And do you want to know what the absolute, most unbelievable, can’t even remember how I figured this out, typing so fast because I want to finish and post this so I can do my expense report, thing about this is? You can trace each of these men back to James L. Avery, Sr., also known as “Uncle Phil” on Fresh Prince. How so, you ask? Let me explain.
#1, Leonard Hamilton: Ha, okay. Here we go. Leonard Hamilton was the coach of the Washington Wizards for one year (2000-2001). He was succeeded by Doug Collins. Doug Collins worked with composer Camara Kambon as well as Michael Jordan, Phil Jackson, Bob Greene and Bob Costas on a film entitled Michael Jordan to the Max in 2000. That year, Kambon also worked with – you guessed it – James Avery in Dancing in September. Too easy.
#2, Isiah Thomas: Not only was Uncle Phil the TV uncle of the man-child who slapped Isiah and a long series of alien antagonists around over the last 15 years, Isiah and Uncle Phil also are connected via Barack Obama. Isiah was born in Chicago, Obama’s hometown, and the President’s wife, Michelle, recently met with James Avery to discuss issues prevalent in the African American community. Boom.
#3, Billy Donovan: A challenge, here. Let’s start with Google and see where it takes us. Billy took the Orlando Magic job for five days a year or two ago. There he would have coached Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard has guest starred on “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” (2 April 2006). That show is hosted by Ty Pennington. Ty Pennington has used teleprompting services from Q Systems West. So has James Avery, aka Uncle Phil. I’m exhausted. And may have broken Google.
#4, Pat Riley: Both Pat and Uncle Phil played an important role in the 1996-1997 TV series “After Breakfast”, hosted by Tom Bergeron in an apartment loft in New York City. Both are also members of NBC’s “Family of Stars”, which leads the well-known The More You Know campaign. Uncle Phil preaches about school support; Coach Riley about violence prevention.
#5, Mike Jarvis: Hmm… Well, they are obviously look alikes. They also collectively look like Mr. T. Mr. T starred in the 1980′s TV show “The A-Team”. James Avery guest starred in an episode of that TV show in 1985, which also included Rick James and Isaac Hayes (hilarious, completely entirely, in-and-of itself, see below). Isaac Hayes, besides South Park, also starred in Shaft. Shaft was reprised in 2000 in played by Samuel L. Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson spoke highly of Patrick Ewing’s return to Madison Square Garden in 2001, sat in the front row at the game and reportedly met and hung out with Ewing afterwards. AND…? Mike Jarvis coached Patrick Ewing at Cambridge Ringe and Latin High School in Massachusetts. Got ‘em.
#6, Erik Spoelstra: Another challenge, because I refuse to take the easy way out and connect him to Pat Riley. But obviously there’s one link there. A different way would be that Spoelstra’s mom is from San Pablo Laguna, Phillipines, the sister city of San Mateo, CA. Kaplan University has an office in San Mateo, CA. And as of January 2009, Uncle Phil is the official spokesperson of Kaplan University (It’s your time!).
I’m sweating, here. Wow. But that was exhilarating. I kept waiting for a little sliver of the time-space continuum to open up and Doc Brown to pop out (I can’t stop… Christopher Lloyd worked with James Avery on Street Hawk in 1985).
Hell, I’ll take it one step further: I can even connect Uncle Phil to Kevin Bacon himself, proving again the famous theory. In the cinematic classic Beauty Shop, starring Queen Latifah, James Avery played Seymour Gold (reprised in Hair Show) and Kevin Bacon played Jorge.
Beyond all of the planets aligning and the Mayan end of Earth prediction confirmed, do you know what’s even crazier? I am exactly three degrees from Uncle Phil. I know a guy, who knows a guy, whose real uncle in real life is Uncle Phil. Theretofore, I am but a fraction of the world away from coaching basketball in the state of Florida. Or starring in a family sitcom on NBC. Or becoming a part of the A-Team. And any one of those three would be far and away better than what I’m doing now.
CAPS LOCK CARL
